Adversity is a state of hardship, difficulty, or misfortune that one deals with in life. The way we handle adversity in our lives says a lot about us.

A student goes and talks to the teacher “Sir, past few weeks have been very difficult for me & my family. I was unable to study for this test. I may get a low score and it might impact my grades. Is there a way that I can improve my grades?”

The teacher responded

“I can write a recommendation for you that your grades became low due to the adversities you faced in life during the period, but I cannot do anything about your grades.”

He continued

“I have never seen you asking for help! During adverse times, you need to reach out to people to ask for help! Network with different people who can help you. Create new social circles. Leverage your friends, teachers, counselors and others who can relate to what you are going through and can help you. How come you never reached out for help?”

The student comes back home and discusses with his parents

“When we go through tough times, you ask me to build my resilience. Why do we never ask for help? Is that wrong or we do not do it. My teacher told me today that he was surprised I never asked for help when I was going through adverse times.”

How we deal with adversity is something children observe and learn from parents and family. Not always do all parents know how to handle it – but learn and figure out a way as they grow through life. They do learn and adapt based on their family situations and who and in what form help came across in their lives. For some it may be family, for some it may be Faith, for some it may be friends, for others office colleagues.

If you do not interact with anyone whom you can reach out to in life to ask for help, rethink your priorities.

Check if you are withdrawing from your social circles because of some issue with some folks in the past. Understanding and correcting it helps in the long run, as families learn this together and pass on their learning across generations.

When I spoke to the parents, it became clear that whomever they reached out to when they were in trouble earlier in life, had always left them without offering support! Over a period of time, the family figured out a way to deal with tough times and come out of it on their own. They believe in self-help is the best help and affirmed their trust in their Faith.

The way parents deal with adversity need not always be the same way children deal with it. If there is another option to create / be part of a different circle where parents feel inclusive and non-judgmental when they reach out to seek help (being part of a community), it would change the way children observe & learn! More so, it might be time for new beginnings for the parents as well.

How do you deal with adversity? Do you reach out and ask for help or do you build your resilience quietly?