There are many theories regarding parenting and parenting styles.

Are you parenting like a monkey or a cat?

A mother monkey leaped effortlessly from branch to branch while her tiny baby clung tightly to her belly. She didn’t carry the baby in her arms. The baby held on. Every jump strengthened its grip, balance, and confidence.

A mother cat, gently picked up her kittens by the scruff of their necks and carried them to safety. The kittens simply relaxed, trusting that Mom would do the work.

Both mothers loved their young. Both kept them safe. Yet their parenting styles couldn’t have been more different.

As parents, we often find ourselves switching between these two models.

The “cat” parent carries. They solve problems, remind children about homework, organize schedules, intervene with teachers, and smooth over disappointments. When life gets difficult, they instinctively pick up the load.

This style is invaluable during the early years. Young children lack the maturity to manage risks, regulate emotions, or make sound decisions. They need adults to provide structure, protection, and reassurance. A child learning to cross the street doesn’t need independence, instead they need a hand to hold.

However, carrying has a hidden cost if it continues too long. Children who are always rescued may never develop resilience. They can begin believing that someone else will always fix things.

The “monkey” parent takes a different approach. They stay close, but they expect the child to hold on. Instead of solving every problem, they coach. Instead of giving every answer, they ask questions. The child experiences manageable challenges while knowing support is always nearby.

Imagine a school student who forgets a science project. The cat parent races to school with the project. The monkey parent might let the natural consequence unfold, then help the child create a better planning system for next time.

Neither response is universally right and this is where the context of the scenario matters.

If your child is overwhelmed, grieving, ill, or facing an unfamiliar situation, carry them. During life’s storms, children need extra support. If your child is capable but hesitant, let them hang on. Allow them to experience effort, mistakes, and recovery.

Confidence isn’t built by avoiding struggle. It is built by surviving it.

This balance becomes especially important in high school.

Teenagers are preparing for adulthood, not childhood. Parents should gradually shift from manager to mentor. Instead of monitoring every assignment, encourage your teen to own deadlines. Instead of settling every conflict with friends or teachers, help them think through solutions. Be the safety net, not the puppeteer.

One father described this transition beautifully. “When my daughter was five, I tied her shoes. At fifteen, I taught her how to budget. At seventeen, I listened more than I spoke. The job constantly evolved, and I was willing to evolve it.”

Perhaps that’s the greatest lesson nature offers.

Remember that one day, every child must make their own leap, and the goal isn’t that they never fall. The goal is that they know how to hold on. Learn to carry when they cannot walk by themselves or take a step forward, and switch to coach when they can.

Great parenting isn’t about always carrying or always letting go. It’s about knowing when your child needs your arms and when they need your confidence.