We are used to performing our day to day duties and responsibilities all through life.

There comes a point in every parent’s life. Kids grow up. All the effort we spend towards making them understand and embrace their roots feels like a lifetime. We nurture them till they take wings to fly.

Then what?

The concept of empty-nester is not something that is easy to embrace. When your whole world revolved around your kids and their schooling, it can be jarring. Suddenly, one day, you turn around and see your home clean and tidy. There is no one around to mess it up. This may feel nice for a day or two, but then the boredom sets in.

It does not matter whether you work or not. There is that emptiness that seems to settle down. We are forced to come to terms with it.

Going through the phase, sharing what I have learned thus far, and continue to learn.

1. Focus on yourself:

It is the best time to focus on yourself. Think about what you like to do, and actually allow yourself to do it, without feeling guilty about it.

2. rediscover yourself

Figure out how you have continued to adapt and evolve over the years, and how much you have changed. Rediscover yourself, and come to terms with who you are now. Consider if you are okay with how you see yourself now. Contemplate how you would like to be going forward.

3. Create a vision for the new you

Decide how you see yourself going forward. Make a plan. Put in the best of your efforts to actually get there. Small steps count as much as big changes. Do what feels right for you. If you continue to have commitments in other facets of life, find time and resources to work on your vision. Focus on how you would like to see yourself.

4. take a vacation

Get some alone time. Take a vacation if need be. It can be to a nearby city for a day or an international trip, or a pilgrimage. Allow yourself to be alone and take a vacation. Planning and traveling as a group is fun. However, traveling alone and visiting places independently has its own benefits. Meet strangers and start a fresh conversation, without any expectations or judgments.

5. Revisit your social commitments

We all join our kids’ school and college groups, PTO groups, and activity groups. Our friends circle often revolves around our kids’ lives. Revisit your social commitments, and check if you still feel like wanting to be part of any of those groups. Be okay with politely exiting the groups that you no longer belong. Replace them with social commitments that bring YOU happiness, where you feel perfectly in place.

6. check on your friends

We may have friend circles from school, college, work, neighborhood, and community. However, not all of them are walking the same piece of the road of life with you. Some may have younger or older kids and not relate to the emotions you are dealing with. Find people you can relate to. Ensure you have at least one person with whom you can talk openly about whatever you feel like expressing. It makes a huge difference.

7. Hobbies

Hobbies are not just for kids. It is time for adults to actually pursue hobbies. It may be parasailing, skydiving, or just taking a pen and paper and drawing or sketching. What you feel like pursuing, no judgments, no competition, just do it.

8. Learn to have fun

Without being competitive, learn to just have fun. Pure fun. Do things that make you truly happy, without thinking & worrying much. Identify activities that make you feel happy, and pursue them unapologetically.

9. Put yourself first

List out your favorite dishes, and make them or order them and eat. List out your favorite movies, your favorite places to visit, key being – “your favorite” and not kids favorite stuff. Learn to prioritize yourself again. Be okay with doing what you like. Don’t think about kids and how it would have been with them.

To all those who are going through this phase and trying to rediscover yourself, remember. You are not alone. It is possible to happily embrace this phase of life as well!