Life is full of ups and downs and when one goes through good times, they are bound to face times that are not so good as well! It is the law of life! So, how does one gulp down a bad day, or sad event or a not-so-good phase and move on? Everyone has different ways to cope and come out. Sharing what I have learned thus far..!
When I used to have bad days at school, I remember coming back to my mother and chatting with her about it. She used to listen me out fully, give me a hug and ask me what did I learn from it? Now that always used to be a tricky question. There I was feeling bad and sad about how mean my friend was, or how my lunchbox broke, or how we lost in a competition, list goes on.. and I used to wonder why was I meant to learn anything from any of it? Why can she never suggest a simple solution 🙂 I figure out a way out and come up with an answer 🙂 It actually makes me feel happy that I came up with a solution to solve my own problem and focus on the solution and no longer feel bad!
Over years I realized, she was creating a method for me – sort of like teaching me the tenets of how to get yourself out of a tricky situation! So, whenever I feel bad – I start thinking about what went wrong and why and was there anything I could have done differently, I usually find my answer or learning from the event, or I realize that there was nothing I could have done differently – some things were just meant to be the way they are! Either way, I used to feel better and move on 🙂
Let us see how another scenario plays out 🙂
Mom is on an office conference call pretty much the whole day! I come back home feeling bad and sad about how mean my friend was, or how my lunchbox broke, or how we lost in a competition, list still goes on… and I wait to chat with my mother. She is multitasking – cooking, cleaning, giving me food, and putting the phone on mute chatting with me asking me how my day was.. she listens to how I am feeling and gives me a hug telling me.. its going to be okay.. don’t worry! 🙂 I don’t know how to come out of it.. there is no time for a question and answer and set me thinking in a different line! My mind has not yet figured out how to come out of it! The incidents pile on for a few days, weeks and I cry to seek dedicated attention! I feel somebody has to listen me out! No one listens, they want to tell me what I should do and how I should stop feeling sad! My diary has all the time for me! I start writing and filling diaries! I do not have any topics left to discuss with my parents 🙂
Scenario 1 and 2 are from the same family – two generations of parents-children that happened in reality 🙂
Disney’s Inside Out movie helped bridge the gap in this family!
The minute Happy comes on screen, everyone can relate to the child in scenario 1, who has figured out that the way to move-on is to figure out what you learned from it, what would you do differently and dust-off the bad event and move-on. Just change your focus onto something else positive and work your way through it! There are multiple ways to get there!
When Sad comes on the screen, everyone laughs in the theater – but when Sad sits with the imaginary elephant and makes him cry, it was heart-warming to see the elephant cry and get over his emotion and figure out what-next – essentially a way to move-on!
In both the generations and scenarios above, Happy and Sad are emotions that both parents and children will be going through at the same time! It helps to understand each others perspective to respect & support the way the other person feels comfortable to move-on! Unfortunately, thrusting one person’s style on the other does not work out in this case!
For those who are like Happy – They learn how to move-on very fast and very quickly, however if they do not deal with their emotions and suppress their emotions to move on, they will have health issues later on in life!
For those who are like Sad – They need to grieve (however big or small the event is), they need someone with them who can be a listening ear (parent, friend, counselor, teacher, boss, colleague, therapist – anyone), who lets them speak out their feelings to relieve themselves of their emotion, and then move on!
If you have not watched the movie Inside Out yet, you should 🙂